This was sent to me by a relative of mine.
1. You have to be against capital punishment, but support abortion on demand.
2. You have to believe that businesses create oppression and governments create prosperity.
3. You have to believe that guns in the hands of law-abiding Americans are more of a threat than U.S. Nuclear weapons technology in the hands of Chinese and North Korean communists.
4. You have to believe that there was no art before Federal funding.
5. You have to believe that global temperatures are less affected by cyclical documented changes in the earth's climate and more affected by Soccer moms driving SUV's.
6. You have to believe that gender roles are artificial but being homo sexual is natural.
7. You have to believe that the AIDS virus is spread by a lack of Federal Funding.
8. You have to believe that the same teacher who can't teach fourth graders how to read is somehow qualified to teach those same kids about sex.
9. You have to believe that hunters don't care about nature, but loony activists who have never been outside of San Francisco do.
10. You have to believe that self-esteem is more important than actually doing something to earn it.
11. You have to believe that Mel Gibson spent $25 million of his own money to make "The Passion of the Christ" for financial gain only.
12. You have to believe the NRA is bad because it supports certain parts of the Constitution, while the ACLU is good because it supports certain parts of the Constitution.
13. You have to believe that taxes are too low, but ATM fees are too high.
14. You have to believe that Margaret Sanger and Gloria Steinem are more Important to American history than Thomas Jefferson, Thomas Edison, and A.G..Bell.
15. You have to believe that standardized tests are racist, but racial quotas and set-asides are not.
16. You have to believe that Hillary Clinton is normal and is a very nice person.
17. You have to believe that the only reason socialism hasn't worked anywhere it's been tried is because the right people haven't been in charge.
18. You have to believe conservatives telling the truth belong in jail, but a liar and a sex offender belonged in the White House.
19. You have to believe that homosexual parades displaying drag, transvestites, and bestiality should be constitutionally protected, and Manger scenes at Christmas should be illegal.
20. You have to believe that illegal Democrat Party funding by the Chinese Government is somehow in the best interest to the United States.
21. You have to believe that this message is a part of a vast, right Wing Conspiracy
.22. You have to believe that it's okay to give Federal workers the day off on Christmas Day ..........but it's not okay to say "Merry Christmas."
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22 WAYS TO BE A GOOD REPUBLICAN (Although it could be 3,873 or the number of dead American soldiers (as of today) in George's War)
1. You believe that life is sacred ONLY prior to birth.
2. You believe that the only people who should benefit from economic success are Georg's close personal friends (or oil company execs, which is basically the same thing).
3. You believe that the reason 30,000 Americans die every year by guns is because guns are not legal ENOUGH. ... "if we only could get our hands on those 50 caliber machine guns...."
4. You believe Fox News is unbiased.
5. You are able to ignore the overwhelming consensus of climatologists about the very real and very imminent effects of global warming because it is really, really important that your vehicle be bigger than every elses (or because your best friends are oil execs - see #2).
6. You are able to see people who are different than you (different language, ethnicity, religion, sexual orientation, political party, etc.) as really not human so it is okay to ...
a) bomb the crap out of them,
b) pass laws to make their lives miserable,
c) pretend they don't exist or
d) all of the above.
7. You believe that AIDS is God's punishment for being...
a) gay,
b) black,
c) basically anyone who doesn't live on my block.
8. You believe that educating children about sex is what causes teenage pregnancies. Knowlege causes babies, not sex. In general truthiness is a bad thing.
9. Speaking of truthiness, you are able to watch the Colbert Report and not get the joke.
10. You believe, against all facts to the contrary and even his own protestations, that Rush Limbaugh is a journalist.
11. You believe that even though the US ranks 38th in the world in life expectancy (right behind the evil Cuba - those dirty dogs!), we have the best health system in the world. Really.
12. Speaking of healthcare, you believe that health care should only be available to people with money, preferrably white people with money, but brown people are okay as long as they return to their godforsaken, third-world hell holes afterward.
13. You are both pro-Life and anti-healthcare for poor children. This does not bother you. In fact you think it is consistent.
14. You believe that Abraham Lincoln and Martin Luther King did not exist.
15. You believe that standardized tests and education are synonymous.
16. You believe that George Bush can read and that anyone with a last name of Clinton is the Anti-Christ.
17. You believe that socialism hasn't worked anywhere.
18. You believe that a lie about sex is worse than a lie that leads to the deaths of thousands of American soldiers and tens of thousands of innocent civilians.
19. You believe that because other people do not believe what you believe they are not only wrong, they are evil.
20. You believe that WMDs were found in Iraq. Lots of them. All over the place. You can't walk through Baghdad without stepping on them.
21. You believe that this message is a part of a vast, left wing conspiracy.
22. You believe that saying "Merry Christmas" makes you a Christian.
Ready to vote?
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